If you prefer to watch her testimony to Jesus instead of reading it, click play below:
How God Changed My Life: Testimony to Christ
Ali: I’m originally from California and my family grew up like Catholic, I believe. We went to church every Sunday but we didn’t read the Bible type of thing. We were doing all the works that they say that get you into heaven, without really knowing. I had a pretty good childhood. I love my parents, they’re still together – I have a brother and a sister, and so fast forward into middle school. You know, obviously, that’s when everybody’s emotions start rising and stuff like that. And like everybody else, I didn’t know what to do with mine.
And because I didn’t have that firm foundation on the Lord growing up, obviously things just got a little worse. So my grandfather died in 2009, I think. And he was basically the rock of the family. He held everyone together, that’s my mom’s father. We were there every single weekend. My dad worked a lot so he took over that father figure for us for a lot of the things that my dad couldn’t do, none to his fault. That’s just the way he was raised.
Overcoming an Eating Disorder
So then after that, I felt like I lost control of my life. I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t control anything. And I developed an eating disorder where it was slowly, from the process of him dying when I was in eighth grade, all the way up to my 18th birthday, I just started skipping meals.
It wasn’t like one day to the next. It took over that period of time where I didn’t want to eat anymore. I thought I couldn’t control my life. Well, at least I control what I’m putting into my body.
It got to the point where at the end I was only eating maybe a bag of chips and a bunch of water throughout the day.
I ended up severely anorexic and it got to the point where I didn’t want anyone to know.
So, I started trying to consume food but then I would end up puking it later. And the anorexia ended up into bulimia and it was so bad that my knees stopped working and I had to wear these chunky braces through high school and high school’s already bad but now I have that embarrassing part on top of it.
Eating Disorder Help
Finally, we went through so many doctors, no one could figure out what was wrong. And I wasn’t telling anybody, I didn’t want to eat anymore. And in front of my parents, I would eat. But then they didn’t know what I did after. And then we finally went to one therapist and she’s like, how? She weighed me and then she asked me, I remember being on the couch and she was like, what is your relationship with food? And you know that’s not a normal question people ask you.
So I ended up crying on her couch and then she told my mom, look, she’s knocking on death’s door basically, she’s going to die if you don’t help her within the next three months. And my mom obviously was like, okay, well, what do you want me to do? What am I supposed to do?
She sent me that next day to a rehab facility that is in a different County than ours, so if I’m in LA, I went to one in OC, which is kind of far for someone who’s never left home.
From New Age to Jesus
And I went there for a while, about three months, and that’s when I started getting into the new age because that’s what they teach you. You’re the little God of your life, you control everything. I remember during the weekends, they would take us on an outing because we were in rehab.
And one of the outings was we went to this new age shop and there were a bunch of crystals everywhere. Like if you kept this rock in your pocket, you would have more control of your life. It was you can burn these sages and stuff like that.
So what I had learned from when I was little got replaced with all this new age belief.
And I thought that Jesus liked it and Jesus wanted me to control my life. My Catholic background didn’t tell me to have a relationship with God that I could just call on him and he’d help me.
Or he would save me from all these thoughts that I was having. And then obviously, that doesn’t fulfill you or anything like that.
From Death to Life
I think the third month of my rehab, I ended up trying to commit suicide in the rehab facility. We weren’t allowed out of our rooms out of a certain time and I got out and I guess there was like beepers on our door and I didn’t know that. And I went downstairs and tried to do my thing. And the rehab mom came out and she saw me and she was like, look, Ali, we’re going to have to send me to the hospital. This is not okay. We thought you were getting better and all of a sudden you’re going backward. And then I was like, I don’t know what you’re talking about because I don’t know if you’ve ever, but when you’re in that space, nothing else matters. You’re just like, kind of the horses when they race.
Lily: You have tunnel vision.
Exactly. Like you don’t care about anything else. You’re just like, I’m going to do this and that was it. So they called my mom I guess and they sent me to a hospital and I remember sitting there like:
What am I doing? This rehab was supposed to help me. They’re teaching me all these new ways to take care of myself. And yet I’m still empty. Why am I still empty?
My Christian Testimony: Testimony to Christ
And so they had called my mom, I went to the hospital and then they told her, look, we’re a step three rehab, I think Ali needs a step two rehab or maybe a step one. Step one will be actually being in the hospital and then step two would be like a more intense rehab, like where you can’t even say the word food.
It was that bad. Because that could trigger somebody else. You have to be respectful of that. So they ended up sending me to Arizona by myself, suicidal, 17 years old on a plane, all the way to Arizona where I don’t know anybody.
I can’t do this. It was a week away from my 18th birthday. So I’m like, I just have to get through this week. I can sign myself out and then I’m done. I’m not doing this anymore. Obviously, it’s not helping. So I came in there with a close-mind and I got there. And honestly, it scared me straight because I was 17, and I was with all the [younger teens] 13-year-olds which is really sad to have an eating disorder that bad that young.
They had feeding tubes up their nose and they couldn’t breathe on their own. So some of them even had like the hole right here with the ventilators.
Overcoming an Eating Disorder with God
And honestly, I was like, nope!
The therapist said that would have been me in a month.
And I was trying my best and obviously, nothing’s helping. And I’m like, this is obviously not an eating issue.
That’s when I realized this is not an eating issue. This is not about my food intake – this is not about how much weight I can lose. This is something so much deeper and so much bigger than me.
How God Changed My Life: Ali’s Testimony
And I’m supposed to be this God of my life and I’m not doing a very good job. [see above section on From New Age to Jesus for more on this reference]
You know, I don’t want to be this God in my life. I don’t want to take control anymore. I was done.
Then, my mom had called me halfway through that week. And she said, “if something’s wrong, if you don’t feel like you should be there, tell me.”
Because I had been there for so many days, I was on suicide watch but I hadn’t seen a therapist yet. They haven’t gotten me help yet. They were like, Oh, we’ll just wait until you’re 18 and then we’ll send you off somewhere else.
I was just basically sitting there. Because you know, you’re sitting there ready to die. And even the minutes feel like years. And well this needed to hurry up.
Overcoming Eating Disorders with God
I called my mom and they’re monitoring what you’re saying on your side but they couldn’t hear what my mom was saying. So my mom was like if you don’t feel like you should be there, say chicken. I was like, okay, chicken. So my mom and my dad took off from California and drove that night to come to pick me up, which I’m extremely grateful for. And she had told me then that she felt like something was telling her to go get your daughter, go get your daughter.
She was slowly coming to the Lord at that time so she told me it was the Holy spirit but someone who’s not walking with the Lord was like, okay, lady, you know.
She came and got me and it was my 18th birthday when she got me and I signed myself out obviously, against medical advice. I told them you didn’t see me. You didn’t try to help me, you just let me be suicidal for a week.
And then now all of a sudden you care about me. I was just laying there all day and it just didn’t make sense to me. And it was supposed to be more helpful than my last one. I’m like the last one was leading me to be a witch and now this one, they’re just waiting for me to die. I was like, I don’t know what this is supposed to be.
Pregnant Young: Should I get an abortion?
We went home and my mom had bought me a Bible before we had gotten on the plane to Arizona.
I’m staring at this Bible, like, what am I supposed to do with it? Cause they taught us, it’s like a self-help book. I’m like, at this point, no book is going to save me, nothing like that.
I ended up getting back into an extremely abusive relationship that did not help my eating disorder that had gone on through high school.
We got back together after that.
A year later when I’m trying to get better, trying to do this on my own and stuff, I ended up pregnant with my son and I told this guy and we had been together for about four years before the split and then after that.
Then, he was like you just *beeped* up my life. Thanks a lot.
Why Not To Have An Abortion
I ended up telling my mom and my mom was like, no, you’re not. You’re going to keep it and you’re going to push through because you did this yourself.
And I was like, no, I’m pretty set. I’ll find someone nice for him.
I am recovering from an eating disorder, then I’m pregnant. So it’s like my body’s going through all this. I don’t feel good. Like I was sad the whole time because obviously, he wanted no part of this.
I was still dealing with everything else. And I fell into like this severe, severe depression.
Through the pregnancy, I ended up gaining like 50 some pounds because it was that bad, which was good for the eating disorder but not good in general.
My mom told me like, if you keep the baby, I will help you as much as I can. I can’t be his mother, but I believe that you can do it, that you were meant to do this and stuff like that.
And so I was still kind of, you know, trying to read the Bible my mom gave me but I was like, ugh, it’s there but I don’t know what to do with it. I heard the Bible stories when I was little, but to me, they were just stories. They don’t come to life until you accept God.
Testimony to Jesus: From Death to Life, From New Age to Jesus
I was scrolling through Facebook one day and I was trying to still figure out what his name would be and going between a couple of names.
My aunt actually posted Jeremiah 29:11. And I asked myself, why is Jesus talking to me through Facebook.
Like every other millennial, I Googled what it meant. And I thought about this Prophet [Jeremiah] who tried to tell everyone about Jesus and no one believed him. He barely converted anybody and he didn’t get to see, kind of like Moses, he didn’t get to see his promised land and people getting saved, that later happened but Jeremiah was gone.
To me, that didn’t make sense. Obviously, when Jeremiah was going through it, he was sad, he was confused. He must have thought you had this future and hope for me and none of this makes sense, but it made sense to God.
And I said, okay Lord, I get it. So I ended up naming my son, Jeremiah James, after my aunt’s Facebook posts.
I truly accepted the Lord after my son was born. I accepted him on July 17th of 2016.
We were in a small church and my mom was like, just give it a chance, just come with me to this church. It’s not a lot of people, it’s just a cafeteria full like 20 people. And she said, “You know, you’ve done all these other things and stuff. Why can’t you just…”
Lily: Give Him [God] a chance?
Ali: Yeah. Well that’s true. I do give everybody else a chance except for Jesus. So we were sitting there and then, the pastor at the end, he goes, if someone needs prayer, come up here.
My mom is nudging me. And I was like, I don’t need prayer.
Christian Testimony of a Transformed Life: How God Changed My Life
Everybody went up there to get prayed for it. And I was the only one sitting there with the stroller. But I don’t need prayer.
Then, one of the ladies behind me and she goes, I could feel the Holy spirit trying to talk to you. I was sitting there and one of the ladies behind me says “you just need to accept Him. You need that. He wants to help you. I can feel Him calling your heart. You just need to open it. You’ve tried so many things before and nothing’s working.”
So, I ended up going up there and I was bawling.
Like, I didn’t know why I was bawling but I was bawling. And then the pastor asked me, he was like, “Are you done? Are you ready to give up your life and handed over to the One who created it in the first place?
And I was like, yes, like, I’m not even going to think about this now. Yes, I’m done.
Obviously nothing’s worked. I have this void in my heart that I’ve been trying to shove all these mismatching pieces in.
Nothing’s working because it’s a Jesus shaped void. So I accepted him there and it changed my life completely. I started reading the Bible a little bit, I was still, obviously in the world. It took me two years to finally get out completely of the world. After that, I haven’t looked back. I’m okay with what I have now.
From Catholic to Christian
I accepted [the Lord] when he was two months [old] and then I actually took two years after [to finally get out … of the world].
He was around two. I felt guilty at first because I was still living in the world and I was leaving my baby at home with my mom a lot. And I was like, this is not right. This isn’t how it should be.
I needed to change something about this. I ended up getting a child’s Bible and starting to read it to him almost every night. And so while he was learning, I was learning with him. You hear the stories when you’re like a Catholic, but again, they’re just stories, it’s just another book.
God Changed My Life
I think the Lord knew that if I didn’t have my son, that I will be in the world.
It wouldn’t have been that big of a deal to me to get saved if I didn’t have him.
And I think that’s why the Lord used that. In Genesis 50:20, you use evil for good. He used my sin and turned it into something beautiful. And that’s what my son is to me. My son is the silver lining in all beep that I went through.
If you’d like to reach out to Ali, you can find her on Instagram (the same place where I met her!)
THERE IS HELP:
If you think you have an eating disorder or if you have an eating disorder, please know that there are resources for you:
Call 800-931-2237 Text “NEDA” to 741741 to be connected with a trained volunteer at a Crisis Text Line. Find a Treatment.
Please know that there are resources for you if you feel suicidal: Suicide Prevention Lifeline: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ 1-800-273-8255
Testimony to Christ
God wants to rescue you from death to life just like He did with Ali. God changed her life and He can change yours for the best.
If you notice, God used all the bad in her life for His glory and Ali’s best. He forgives us and renews us.
If you haven’t given your life to Christ, remember that He is always waiting to take you in. Allow Christ to heal you and transform the broken pieces. If you need bible studies, reach out to me on my Contact page and I can guide you in the right direction.
Christian Testimonies YouTube: Ali’s Christian Testimony of a Transformed Life